Two hundred twenty-two point eight.
That's how much I weigh.
The day I found out I was pregnant with my first child I swore up and down I would *never* let my weight hit 200 pounds - even while pregnant. The day I gave birth to him I was 213 pounds.
I weigh more now then I did at 42 weeks pregnant.
I've asked myself many times "what went wrong? How did I end up this way?" And I'm not sure I really know the answer. Age is a factor I'm sure. As is having three pregnancies, three c-sections, and now three kids. I've seen my doctor about it. There isn't anything wrong on any of my blood tests. My thyroid looks great. My insulin levels are a bit high, but my blood sugar levels are perfect. My hormones are a bit wacky, so PCOS is a possibility but I have a very regular cycle and have no trouble getting pregnant so that doesn't really fit either.
I'm just fat.
Two hundred and twenty-two pounds fat.
And I just can't be this fat anymore.
I've started blogs and journals like this 100 times. I've always been a person that needs to get out my thoughts onto paper. I filled notebooks upon notebooks of thoughts and dreams and "dear diary" letters as a kid and a teen. I did the LiveJournal thing as a college student. I kept a blog detailing my daughter's health problems as a baby/toddler. But I haven't done much of it as an adult. And I feel like that's a part of me that is missing. Somewhere to leave my fears and my secret thoughts without judgement. So, what better place than the Internet (haha. Sarcasm, my friends).
I need to loose weight. Ideally a lot of weight. Like 100 pounds. Most of the weight calculators floating around seem to think that I should weight somewhere between 120 and 140 pounds. When I was in college, my weight always fluctuated around 135, and that always seemed like a good place for my me. So that's what I'm shooting for. ONE hundred and thirty-five pounds. So that leaves me with 87.8 pounds to loose.
That's more than my eight year old weighs. I am carrying around an eight year old everywhere I go. No wonder my back hurts every morning. And I snore. And I'm tired.
I'm not really sure how to get there. I imagine very slowly. And I imagine I'll probably fail a lot along the way. I'm really good at failing at things.
My youngest turns three in the beginning of June. That's about 7 weeks away. So my first goal is to loose 7 pounds before then. A realistic chunk. A do-able goal. It's all about setting yourself up for success, right? First one win. And then another. Right? Because I would very very very much like to be under 200 in time for my own birthday.
I can not. WILL not. Welcome another year of my life at more than 200 pounds.
That's how much I weigh.
The day I found out I was pregnant with my first child I swore up and down I would *never* let my weight hit 200 pounds - even while pregnant. The day I gave birth to him I was 213 pounds.
I weigh more now then I did at 42 weeks pregnant.
I've asked myself many times "what went wrong? How did I end up this way?" And I'm not sure I really know the answer. Age is a factor I'm sure. As is having three pregnancies, three c-sections, and now three kids. I've seen my doctor about it. There isn't anything wrong on any of my blood tests. My thyroid looks great. My insulin levels are a bit high, but my blood sugar levels are perfect. My hormones are a bit wacky, so PCOS is a possibility but I have a very regular cycle and have no trouble getting pregnant so that doesn't really fit either.
I'm just fat.
Two hundred and twenty-two pounds fat.
And I just can't be this fat anymore.
I've started blogs and journals like this 100 times. I've always been a person that needs to get out my thoughts onto paper. I filled notebooks upon notebooks of thoughts and dreams and "dear diary" letters as a kid and a teen. I did the LiveJournal thing as a college student. I kept a blog detailing my daughter's health problems as a baby/toddler. But I haven't done much of it as an adult. And I feel like that's a part of me that is missing. Somewhere to leave my fears and my secret thoughts without judgement. So, what better place than the Internet (haha. Sarcasm, my friends).
I need to loose weight. Ideally a lot of weight. Like 100 pounds. Most of the weight calculators floating around seem to think that I should weight somewhere between 120 and 140 pounds. When I was in college, my weight always fluctuated around 135, and that always seemed like a good place for my me. So that's what I'm shooting for. ONE hundred and thirty-five pounds. So that leaves me with 87.8 pounds to loose.
That's more than my eight year old weighs. I am carrying around an eight year old everywhere I go. No wonder my back hurts every morning. And I snore. And I'm tired.
I'm not really sure how to get there. I imagine very slowly. And I imagine I'll probably fail a lot along the way. I'm really good at failing at things.
My youngest turns three in the beginning of June. That's about 7 weeks away. So my first goal is to loose 7 pounds before then. A realistic chunk. A do-able goal. It's all about setting yourself up for success, right? First one win. And then another. Right? Because I would very very very much like to be under 200 in time for my own birthday.
I can not. WILL not. Welcome another year of my life at more than 200 pounds.
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